Live, Laugh, and Love
A Life Sketch of Garrett Phillips
I was honored to share these words at the funeral for my nephew on September 9th, 2008, in Las Vegas. – BJ Fogg
20 years, 2 months, and 2 days. That’s the time Garrett Brent Phillips was here with us. 20 years, 2 months, and 2 days.
During that time on earth, Garrett lived large, he created laughter, and he shared love. In all of this -- in living, laughing, and loving -- the people around him mattered most.
Garrett was a caring son, a protective brother, a fascinating nephew, a charming uncle. In addition, for many of us here today, Garrett was a friend, a real friend.
[Context of Garrett’s Arrival]
Garrett was born three weeks early. He arrived on Brent and Linda’s wedding anniversary. When newborn Garrett was placed into Linda’s arms, she felt a new light come into her life. Garrett was comforting sunshine wrapped in a blanket.
Linda remembers, “I could feel his big heart from the time he was born.”
Brent remembers Linda’s reaction. She told him: “What a sweet, kind baby boy has been sent to us from heaven!”
Garrett arrived on earth at a tough time for the Phillips family. Brittany, the first-born child, had leukemia. Because Las Vegas did not have a pediatric oncologist, the family moved temporarily to Fresno.
I remember the home they rented in Fresno. It smelled of pets long gone and stale cigarettes. The home’s only virtue was its proximity to Linda’s parents. And of course, the medical care.
As the family sought treatment for Brittany, a specter loomed: 18 months before Brittany’s diagnosis, her youngest uncle – my brother -- died as a child from leukemia.
Baby Brandon was two years old when Garrett arrived. He was an active baby, to say the least, and of course he didn’t understand why he had to move, and why his dad was no longer home each night for dinner.
Yes, that was the biggest complication of all. To maintain the family health insurance, Brent had to continue working in Las Vegas, 400 miles away.
So this was the context of Garrett’s birth: a rented home, a life-threatening illness, and a job 400 miles away.
Is it any wonder that Garrett’s was so welcome in Linda’s arm as a bundle of sunshine?
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Fast forward . . . The medical treatment worked, and Brittany got better. The family once again lived under one roof in Las Vegas. This spot in the desert would become Garrett’s hometown.
As they grew, adding new members to the mix, Brittany was something of a coach and a confidant for Garrett. Brittany shares this with us, showing her role:
“Garrett always liked to tell me about his ideas. Many were goofy. And if his plan was unsafe, I would try to explain why. But I looked forward to hearing the next wild idea. As the big sister, I always felt like I needed to give Garrett advice.”
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Garrett’s older brother Brandon would also become a close friend. As Brandon explains . . .
“Whether it was going to get slurpee or just hanging out, Garrett and I were almost always together.”
As a youngster, Garrett’s had no time to get spoiled. He had only two years as the baby of the family. He would welcome five little sisters into his life during the next 10 years. Garrett would be the third child in a family of eight kids.
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[Protective Older Brother]
Family was a big deal to Garrett -- and to all the Phillips family. He and the rest of the clan stayed close to home. As a big brother to five sisters, he was a protector.
As Garrett grew -- and he really grew, I must say -- he helped weave the security blanket of the Phillips family.
Consider Amber’s experience. Two years younger than Garret, she recounts his protective hand this way:
“When I think of Garrett, I think of the time I bought over a boy to the house. I’m pretty sure Garrett didn’t like him because Garrett shot this boy with a BB gun. I look back now and he was obviously just protecting me, and I appreciate it.”
A different boy who often visited the home was more welcome, yet he gives this insight:
“Garrett always made sure you knew your place. When I was dating his sister, he told me multiple times that if I ever hurt her, he would personally make me regret it.”
Another little sister shares this:
“One day someone was giving me a hard time so I told Garrett. He said he’d take care of it. And they never bothered me again.”
Garrett’s protective hand wasn’t always from outsiders. The big brother helped siblings get out of tough spots with parents as well. Nicole, born 4 years after Garrett, tells this story . . .
“One night my friend and I took my dad’s car out while my parents were sleeping. This was before I had my license. We were at my friend’s house, when my mobile phone rang. It was my mom. But I didn’t answer. I was scared. I didn’t know what to do. So I quickly called Garrett for help. He had a solution. I still got in trouble, but it would have been much worse without Garrett.”
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[Never a Dull Moment]
For Garrett, life was about relationships. And the structure of his relationships created the structure of his life. People mattered more than policies. Companions mattered more than conformity.
Garrett’s compliance with institutions was sometimes marginal, but his compassion with people was always exceptional.
He brightened people’s lives, often in surprising ways. This combination – uplift & surprise -- is the formula for the emotion we call delight. Uplifting and surprising . . . yes, Garrett was a delight.
Danielle, born six years after Garrett, tells about a lasting memory:
“One night Nicole and I were up around 1:30 am when Garrett arrived home. He said to us, “Let’s have a slumber party!” So he had Nicole get the snacks, and I helped him roll the TV into his bedroom. Together we watched movies and played “Call of Duty” for hours. At 4:30 am, my mom came into the room. She was headed out the door to go running. She was like, “What are you guys doing?“ She went on her way, and the party continued.
As many of you know, Garrett helped people get through dull moments. He could make most any situation interesting. Consider the memory from McCall, a sister who is next in line, eight years younger than Garrett:
“One day Garrett and I were in his truck waiting for the light to turn green. The windows were so darkly tinted that no one could see in. So he told me to make faces at the policeman in the car next to us. He was looking at our darkened window. But because I didn’t think the policeman could seem me, I made a face and I stuck out my tongue. That’s when the Garrett started to roll down my window. I got so scared.”
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[Master and Artist of the Unexpected]
You never quite knew what to expect from Garrett. His adventures and his sense of humor would spring from the unexpected.
Nicole has this to share:
“One day Garrett took me to volleyball practice. He drove up on the sidewalk right next to the doors of the gym. He said he did that so I wouldn’t get too tired before practice.”
Now let’s talk about the hair . . .
“He was always changing his hear,” McCall explains, “From black to blond, to spotted & pink.”
Always unexpected.
Yesterday a friend shared this memory:
“The first time I met Garrett I told him I liked his hair. He asked me if I wanted mine done. I said “sure.” So at 3 am he gave me a mohawk in his bathroom.”
Yet Summer, the youngest child, told me Garrett’s gallery of hairstyles rarely surprised her. “That was his personality,” she explained.
Yes, Garrett had a style of his own. And he blended this style with good-natured pranks. He was the artist of the unexpected.
- Who else wears a fake goofy mustache for his driver’s license photo?
- Who else prepares for prom by getting a mullet haircut, complete with extensions so locks drape over the shoulders?
- Who else danced Napoleon Dynamite on stage at a serious body building contest?
- Who else formed a team and released 3 pigs onto the school grounds numbered 1, 2, and 4?
There’s no doubt that Garrett was a gifted visual artist, with an unusual point of view. He was ironic and provocative, but he was never too serious. And that perhaps is the point.
A work colleague recounts this story:
“One day at 24-hour fitness, Garrett found a picture of himself taken when everyone at work dressed up in 70s clothes. Of course, Garrett was outrageous. In the photo he was wearing booty shorts and a golden unbuttoned shirt. He taped the picture on the front counter at work, where people checked into the gym. Right next to the photo, he attached his business card. Everyone saw it that night; everyone smiled. I would tell them Garrett was our best trainer and point out his contact info in case they were interested in some training sessions.”
Garrett’s style emerged in simple daily choices. When much-loved brother-in-law Nathan offered him two choices for a motorcycle helmet -- a cool one and a nerdy one. Which one do you think Garrett chose?
In his humor, Garrett mocked no one. He used himself as a foil to create the funny.
From quick wit, to pranks, to traditional art forms, the creative source was the same. Underneath the hood Garrett had the engine of an artist. I believe this powered the behavior that has amused and intrigued so many of us.
Garrett was the master of the unexpected.
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[The biggest muscle of all: his heart]
Yes, I could elaborate on achievements.
- Garrett was an eagle scout
- He played football
- He placed 3rd in State Wresting
- He created award-winning artwork.
- He graduated from high school.
- He had a job and was planning a career.
When it comes to achievements, one remarkable traits brings so many people here today:
Garrett loved others.
Of all the comments after Garrett’s death, most are about his immense capacity for love -- and his skill for showing it. Somehow it’s appropriate for Garrett -- Gare Bear -- to be remembered for his hugs. Every time I arrived in Vegas, Garrett greeted me with a big hug. The power in the embrace sometimes worried me, but I knew he was absolutely genuine.
To be sure, despite all the bodybuilding Garrett did, the biggest, most impressive muscle of all was his heart.
Brittany shares this:
Garrett was an amazing uncle to my boys, always taking them swimming or teaching them a new trick. Just recently he took Matix with him for the day. They went to buy college textbooks, then shopped for cars, then went to lunch. My boys adored Garrett.
A friend conveys this memory:
“I saw Garrett at Church recently and he could tell I was upset. So he sat down next to me and said “Hey cutie, what’s wrong.” He just sat and listened to me vent to him. Garrett was always there to brighten anyone’s day”
It wasn’t just family and friends. More globally, Garrett served people on expeditions with Choice Humanitarian to help people in Mexico, Kenya, and Guatemala.
Garrett connected with the unexpected. As one person told me, “He even made friends with the late-night drive-thru workers at Del Taco.”
In the last few days, I’ve heard and read dozens of accounts of Garrett helping people, often in the middle of the night. You may have stories of your own. We would all agree that the overriding theme is this: With Garrett, help was always just a phone call away.
Garret was a benefit to everyone’s life. What a remarkable achievement!
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[Plans cut short]
As we look over the last months and days of Garrett’s life, many of us have gone back to voice mails and text messages. We’ve replayed our most conversations with him.
Not long ago I texted him, “I’m checking in on school” -- I typed into my phone -- “What’s up? Did u get set?”
He texted back: “Yep. I got all my classes paid for. I’m taking psychology, criminal justice, english, business and welding. So I’m excited.”
Garrett had plans. He was preparing for his future.
- With his dad’s help he was coordinating a year of intensive training so he could walk onto the UNLV football team in 2009.
- With his sister Brittany Garrett was planning to complete a new certification in personal training.
- Perhaps the most meaningful of all: The day before he died he asked his mom if he could start piano lessons again.
The serenity prayer, printed in your program, was part of Garrett’s efforts, his struggles in fact, to prepare for the future.
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[Sunshine on Horizon]
Garrett’s life on earth was shorter than expected. But in reality, all our lives are short. As we reflect on Garrett, let’s ask ourselves, how much will we really live, laugh, love?
As someone else first said, “It’s not the years in your life, but the life in your years.”
20 years, 2 months, and 2 days. It’s been that long since a bundle of sunshine was placed in Linda’s arms. She immediately recognized this gift.
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In some parts of the world, the sun shines all day in the summer. I’ve seen it. I was in northern Finland this year. I went outside at 1 am, and I watched kids and dogs playing in the sunlit parks. The light gave amazing energy. I hardly needed to sleep.
But there’s an opposition in all things.
The Finnish people told me that as the seasons turn, the sun will change course in the sky. For days on end, the sun will not be seen above the horizon. The people will live for a period without sunshine. To me, this seems terrible, unthinkable.
Yet they manage.
How so?
They look forward to the future. With hope and anticipation, they know that as the seasons change, the light will return to their land.
And sunshine will again be their constant companion.
